These Are the Best Holiday Travel Tips You’ve Ever Heard

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Photo: Jim Champion / Bank holiday weekend traffic jam on the A31(T), New Forest

Go full Dad on your passengers. Make everyone line up for a piss before letting them the car. Fill the gas tank at the last station before the highway/freeway. Pack the car with snacks.

“No, we’re not stopping at McDonalds. Eat some peanut butter crackers.”

Manage the trip like you are fleeing the city before it gets nuked. Your passengers/victims will quite understandably think you are an ogre. However, nobody will complain when you get to your destination fast and have more time to spend with your loved ones before having to get back in the car for the drive home. You weren’t the hero they wanted, but you were the hero they needed.

None of this applies if the trip is an obligatory visit to relatives who you know are going to bombard you with their shitty post-election opinions. In that case, you leave the headlights on overnight and call them in the morning to say the car won’t start.

A trip is simpler if you don’t have to stop thirty times en route. Less jolly, maybe, but simpler. Which matters more to you?

Submitted by: IRegertNothing

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